The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
