i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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