sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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