I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
