If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
