Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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