My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
