I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
