why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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