no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
