I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
