yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
