in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Two words: blizzard sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
