Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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