dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
