you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
