I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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