You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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