I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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