I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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