Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
