You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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