you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
