my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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