I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
