I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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