um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
