She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
