Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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