Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
