but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
