The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
