Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
