Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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