just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
zippers are such a cool invention
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
