I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Houston, we have a blender
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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