I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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