Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
