apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
