You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
