Dual....:-)
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
