My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
try to milk me bitch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
