Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
