dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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