PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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