dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
