Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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