i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
