You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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