So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
