and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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