He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
