I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
