I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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